All on me

For a long time, I silently blamed others for the bad situations that came my way, for all the shortcomings I had and for the potential things I envisioned for myself that never seemed to come to life. I always had someone or something I could fault for the situation I was in, for why I was not my best self. This started to steal from my very heavy happiness bank and leave room for dark insecurities to breed.

One fateful day as I gave myself the occasional meditation time, I felt my gut itch to speak to me and so I listened harder. I heard it say, "where you are, who you are now, is all on you." 

At this point I realise, I had to understand that no one owes me anything, infact, I owe everything to nature for blessing me with the life I have and the only way I can repay it, is to let the best version of myself pop. 

If I was going to stop being scaringly underweight, I had to do the eating work myself. If I was going to be in the right mental state, I was going to sieve the nourishing things for my body myself. If I was going to have a beautiful love relationship with food rather than the resentful kind where I live off of bread for practically every meal, I was going to have to listen to my body's needs and actually eat for those needs.

By now, this may sound like a really miserable and lonely life but I actually had a great support system, very encouraging, caring and reliable kind of people, however I wanted more from them. I wanted to be able to stay in my lazy bubble pinpointing the problems as they did the work for me to get to where I desire. I forgot one important detail, it wasn't their place to do the work. My life, my body, my eating is my responsibility. To be or not to be the best me is all on me.